Phone Conversation

Patron: Yes I'm looking for a book.  It's called itbiguky.

Me: Sorry - what was the title?

Patron: It's itbigooky.

Me: I'm not quite catching that title.  Can you say it again?

Patron: Eet.  Bigookie.

Me: Can you spell it for me?

Patron: Yes.  E-a-t.  That's the first word.  Then t-h-e.  The last word is c-o-o-k-i-e.

We need a librarian in the OR, stat!

I'm assuming that most of you know about the unfortunate news of Gary Coleman's death. I've read that he fell and hit his head, and was taken to the hospital, where his condition worsened until he passed.

I'm not trying to make light of the situation here, but it brought about a perfect example of how odd my job can be at times. Because on the morning that this happened, one of my co-workers got a call at the library and was asked, "So what's the update on Gary Coleman?"

Excuse me? Let me just run down to the ICU and check. We're not working in a newsroom, people. Do you need a book? Or would you like to know how late we're open? I can help you with that.

Not that she didn't look it up for him. She did. I've actually had patrons tell me that people tell them if they ever have a question about anything, just call the librarians at the _____ library and they'll look it up for you. And it's true, we will. But if it's especially ridiculous we WILL make jokes about you for awhile.

*Just a note: things I do NOT consider ridiculous: trashy romance novels, books about how to make love, how to identify a strange skin fungus, or anything that you might be scared to ask a librarian. I'm a professional and when I get questions like these I don't think any more of it than I would for a copy of Harry Potter. The things I do think are funny are the people who call and ask for the price of apples at a local market or the example above. So breathe easy and go ahead and ask your librarian where to find the Star Wars section.

I dislike it when a patron wipes their sniffly nose with one hand, and hands me money with the other hand. Just not a fan.

My favorite questions

A patron just came up to me and asked very seriously, "Do you know anything about words?"

I just stared and waited.

She stared back.

I could only stammer out, "Words?..."

I do know about words. I know lots of words, too. And about a lot of them. Definitions, spellings, and hey, whatever I don't know, I can look up right here on my computer.

I didn't say any of that, but we're staring each other down high-noon-style, willing the other to stop acting crazy and know what they're talking about.

She said, "Yeah, on the computer? Words?"

And I said, "Oh, yeah, I know about Microsoft Word?" That sentence ended as a question, because it felt more polite somehow. "Is that what you're working with?"

"Yes."

We changed her page from portrait to landscape and then the world went back to normal.


*Just as a note, in case you think I'm a bad librarian for dumbly repeating back questions to patrons instead of asking them for more information: I only do that if I'm really caught off guard.

Most of the time I can jump right into a quest for more information. For instance, when a patron called on the phone today and said to me, "I'd like to know the protein difference between a McDonald's hamburger and one from Burger King" I smoothly jumped right into a serious consideration of this crazy question while bringing up Google and hoping like crazy that the internets would know. Without missing a beat I said, "Oh, you know I bet that would have to do with the size of the patty," thinking that I could look up the weight of the hamburger patties somehow.

I was only a little nonplussed when I realized it was my brother-in-law, Doug, messing with me. But I do have to say I was proud of the way I just glossed right over the crazy and jumped right into trying to figure it out.

Don't any of you get any ideas! I don't want to keep getting crazy prank-calls from family members. I can only handle so much crazy every day and there is plenty of it to go around already. I have to deal with really hard questions about words n' stuff.

Some Head-shakers

I had a teenage patron approach me today holding up one of our books and asking me, "Do you sell the books?"
I simply shook my head slowly and sadly at her and made a sympathetic face.
Do we sell the books? Do you even know what a library is? You can have it for FREE! It's really a very advantageous system, if you just know how it works. I would have explained it to her, but really, explaining how a library works? "You borrow the books and if you bring them back in a few weeks, it's all free." Really, I couldn't muster the words. Plus she walked away.

Last week a patron came up to me wearing a big coat and his head was covered with a hoodie. He asked me if we were open the next day, and I told him that yes we were, and he gave me this really annoyed look and said, "I can't HEAR you." I then noticed that he had two headphone earbuds coming out from his hoodie, obviously going into his ears and I wanted to say, "Well take out your earbuds, idiot." But I didn't. See? Evidence that I have exercised self-restraint.

Speaking of headphones, when I was working on the "quiet" floor two girls were sitting together at a computer chatting and giggling. I went over and asked if they could whisper. One girl looked up at me and said, "What?" Then she said "Oh," and pulled out one of her earbuds and looked at me. I asked again if she could whisper and she said okay... but seriously. You're on the quiet floor.... chatting... with earbuds in?

Not all of my stories are so distressing. Last week someone called and I answered the phone with my usual, "P___ Library, this is so-and-so, how can I help you?" A lady on the other end said, "Hi, I'm wondering if you have granny smith apples, and if so, how much?" My head was reeling with all of the possible responses that I could do, and I finally asked, "At the library?"
"Oh!... no," she said, "Do you have the number for Sunflower Market?"
See? She was just one step ahead in her thinking. That is understandable, and I could make the same mistake. But get annoyed with someone because I'm wearing earphones and I can't hear them? I hope that day never comes for me.

*I should add a disclaimer to say, okay, I really wouldn't mind explaining to someone how a library works, especially if they really didn't know. I'm a librarian after all. And there could have been more of a good reason for her to ask that... maybe she couldn't get a library card or she needed the book permanently for reference purposes. But I've never been asked if we sell the books before, I had to have some fun with it.

Mission Impossible

Dilemma:
You teach a blogging class at the local library. The class is tonight, but your boss tells you the internet is down for the rest of the day, but the class is still going ahead as scheduled.

Your mission:
You have 1 and 1/2 hours to build a new 1-hour curriculum still based on blogging WITHOUT using the internet. Go.



So when I was something like 12 years old I lived in San Diego, and I was lonely (frowny face). So one day my brother came to visit and I asked him how his college classes were going. He told me that he learned how to make web pages, and I asked him how. He realized that he could show me how to do a few simple things on my computer.

So he had me open up Notepad (of all programs!) and showed me how to save a web page file right on my computer. Then he taught me little html codes that I could type in, and when I opened it in Internet Explorer - voila! Italics! Underlining! Titles and headlines! Images and links! Oh, I felt so special.

When I got to high school and there was a web page creation class I thought, "Awesome, I'm practically a pro already." So I took the class and learned how to do even MORE stuff and create even fancier pages - like with borders and dancing images, the best 1999 had to offer!

Then I got to college, and it turns out some of that dinky "web experience" meant that I could do little odd jobs at my brother's office. So I did that, and I learned how to do more and more and more... with a lot of help. And then I flexed my web-page-creating muscles and felt so powerful, mwa ha ha!

And then one day I had to teach a class on blogging with NO internet. And I remembered those very early days when I was just typing in puny html codes on my computer and watching them come to life in Internet Explorer - without actually needing to use the internet.

And that's how I figured out how to teach a WHOLE HOUR of blogging with no internet connection.

*bow*


(Some notes if you feel like you need some explanation: understanding even very basic html codes can help you understand blogging better. Most of the time Blogger.com creates html code for you, but knowing what html code looks like and how it works can help you to fix problems, edit things, and even add code from other websites - like adding videos from YouTube. VERY handy. By the end of tonight's class, my students could recognize what the code looks like when Blogger adds an image for you, and the knew how to move it around or add text before and after. They also knew how to tell the difference between what code looks like for an image, what it looks like for a link, and even what it looks like for something big like a YouTube video. I was so proud.)

Food for thought

Yesterday a kid about 4 or 5 years old was climbing all over the furniture in front of me, so I gave him my stern librarian face and shook my head. He came up to my desk and started asking me all these questions:

"what's this?" A stapler.
"what's that do?" It staples things.
"what's that for?" It turns on the lights.

And the whole time he was looking all around my desk, back and forth.
Then he looked at me and said, "Well, you don't have any candy, so..." and walked away.

In which I pat myself on the back.

We often have people call and ask us for the phone numbers or addresses of businesses. I usually google it even though we have phone books right at the desk with us. But I had a lady call in today and ask me for this:

She: "I need the name and number of a realty office in American Fork that's near to Wasatch Nutrition. It's really close by, like a couple doors down, I think."

Me: "And you don't know the name of the realty office?"

She: "No. Like I said, it's really close to Wasatch Nutrition."

Aaaaaand I found it for her. That's right: I'm amazing.


Ok, I can't take all the credit. I'd like to thank Google and Google Maps.

Here's how I did it:
I googled "Wasatch Nutrition in American Fork"

Then I took the address from one of the listings and put it into google maps.

Google maps brought up the business along with a list of options including "Search Nearby"

I clicked on that and typed in "Realty" (Note: you can type any general business type into this field and google maps will find them for you. In the past I've search for "Laundromat" and "Dentist" and "Dry Cleaning")

Several nearby Realty offices popped up on my map.

I asked my caller if it was west of Wasatch Nutrition and on the north side of the street - she said yes and - voila. Awesomeness.

Three encounters

These all took place on a busy day at the library.

#1
There's a guy who has computer trouble and yells at me, but I like him because when he's done yelling he is really nice and laughs and is easy-going, and it gives me personality whiplash. You'd think this would be unpleasant, but it amuses me - he is quirky. It's easy to be patient because I know he'll be nice in just a minute. But he yelled at me today when another patron could overhear us. He asked me how long it took for a paper to come out of the printer once you printed, and I told him that it happens almost immediately, and he yelled and said, "NO! I mean WHEN does it come OUT??" So I repeated: when you hit the print button the papers come out within a few seconds. He said, "Oh really?" and walked away. The witness patron who had stood there through it all said confidentially to me, "You said it just fine. It was perfectly clear what you were saying the first time." And I smiled and said, "Oh, it's no problem." Now I look like an awesome librarian, incredibly patient and understanding of crazy people who yell at me, when really my good attitude is just because this guy cracks me up. I love my job.

#2
An older gentleman came in asking for consumer reports, which I told him were on the second floor, and he nodded and said, "I thought so."

Then he stood there for a few moments considering me, then he leaned in and said intently, "You'll have to watch out for me, I just had the swine flu!"
"Oh yeah?" I said. He says, "Oh yeah, but I saw a fine medical representative - A veterinarian!" At this, I laughed politely.

He considers me for another moment. Then he says, "I used to have a dental practice right over there on that corner [pointing out the window]. I had a lady come in once to me, and she said, 'Oh, I'm so sorry, [he puts his hands on his cheeks here] I've been so busy, I haven't had time to brush my teeth!' And so I said, 'Oh don't worry, I've been so busy, I haven't had time to wash my hands!'"

I laughed again, and feeling that he had sufficiently entertained and charmed me, he left looking for consumer reports. Some patrons are entertaining on purpose.

#3
As librarians, we generally try to exercise common sense and human decency. So when I had an elderly couple come up to me asking for a movie and looking so fragile that they might keel over at any moment, I invited them to sit on a soft bench while I found the movie for them. They were really impressed (but really, it seems like an obvious thing to do). When I brought them their movie, they had this little exchange:
Man "I should give you a card! Where are my cards?"
Woman "oh yes, give her a card, he does these cards, you see."
Man "I have some cards, have you seen them before?"
Woman "Here they are, get one out for her"
Man "Here you go, these are my special cards"

And then he handed me this:
(I've blurred out his name and contact info for his protection)

And of course - he stood and waiting for me to give him a smile back, which was easy, and accompanied by a "thank you."

I hope I am that cheerful when I am their age.

Hear no evil

Warning: this post is not suitable for young children or the easily scandalized.

Another disaster narrowly averted today at the library:

Patron: Do you have a book of penus?
Me: [long pause while eyeing the patron closely] Sorry, which book?

Patron: You know, like sharlie brown and penus?
Me: Oh! With the comics in the book?
Patron: Yes.

Library Quirks

I had this conversation the other day:

Patron: "Where is your section on babies?"

Me: "Is there anything specific that you want on babies?"

Patron: "No, just like the general section about babies."

Me: "Well, there are books about babies spread all through nonfiction. Like how to care for your baby, how to teach your baby sign language, nutrition for your baby, clothes for your baby, etc."

(I thought I had her at how to care for your baby. But she said:)

Patron: "You don't just have a section on babies?"

My thought: Baby what? Just baby? No, there is no baby section.

But I said: "Let me see if we have something general."

I found a book called "Your baby & child," (child care) which she thought sounded good. I also encouraged her to come back if she wanted any help narrowing it down. She didn't come back and walked out with 8 or so infant care books.



A lot of people assume that we have sections on things. Where is your vampire section? Where is your cowboy section? Where are your wizard books? I can understand, you really don't know where things are when you first walk into a library. But sometimes the assumptions can get a little silly. The "section" concept can actually work in nonfiction if your topic is narrow enough.

On the other hand, things can get too specific. Once someone asked me for the "business" section. I asked him if he wanted anything specific and he said that he wanted a list of small companies in Utah that provide web services. That was a hum-dinger. I guess I should be careful what I wish for.

be·wil·dered - completely puzzled or confused; perplexed.

A girl came up to my desk today and just stood in front of me for a minute. I usually ask people if I can help them, but she wasn't looking at me, she was looking at a flyer. But after a minute it became clear that she wasn't looking at the flyer, she was just staring off into space. Begin our interaction:

Me: "Can I help you?"
Her: "Do you have any books on cortex?"
Me: "Cortex?"
Her: "Yes, it's my cultural heritage."

Then she walked away. But she wasn't really walking away, she was walking around the massive desk area that I sit in.

At the farthest point from me she whispered loudly, "Did you find anything yet?"
I waited for her to come back around.

Me: "Are you sure it's the cortex that you want?"
Her: "Yes."
Me: "Well, we have books that cover the cerebral cortex."
Her: "No, just find anything you have that has to do with cortex."
Me: "All I have is the cerebral cortex."
Her: "Ok, Where is that?"


I gave her the call number and she walked away. I thought maybe she meant Cortez, but he's a guy, not a cultural heritage. Unless you're related to him.

But she didn't really have that Spanish conquistador look about her.