Something happened to me this week. Tension built to an all-time high, and I realized that something had to change.
I had hoped that my very happy birthday was an omen of things to come for this year. Unfortunately, at this point, the first three months of my 24th year have been dismal. I always imagined this time as some of the golden years of my 20's. When I was a child, some people that I looked up to had amazing 24th years, and I thought that was how it's supposed to be.
I realize that some of you are now asking yourselves, "Wasn't she just in Hawaii last week?" Yes. But unfortunately as I have learned repeatedly, a very nice vacation does not a-happy-person-make.
This became especially clear on Monday, when I had a breakdown of sorts. The experience had one silver lining: it was a red flag. I realized that something is seriously wrong, here.
On Tuesday I made a resolution. It's a week of resolution, really. For one week, I'm not eating sugar or wheat, and I'm not watching TV or playing computer games, and I'm trying to run every evening. (For those of you perfectionists, I'm not going to be anal and not use salad dressing because it has a little sugar. I'm talking about cutting out candy and sugary drinks and wheat buns and pasta. If a little bit of cranberry dressing helps me to choke down a salad, it's okay in my book).
I'm on day 4 at the moment. I haven't given in on anything yet. I realized this morning that I also haven't had meat since before Tuesday. It's not on my banned list, but for some reason it's not appealing. I've also been going to bed progressively earlier.
I've lost 3 pounds as of this morning, and I'm not sure that it's water weight because I've been drinking more than I did before, carrying a 24 oz bottle with me everywhere throughout the day (they say when you lose weight that quickly that it can't be anything but water, which I'm willing to understand, but I have been drinking more than I did before). I was also able to run farther last night than I was on my first day, and my breathing came easier (though it's still not to a good healthy point).
I run at dusk, which is my favorite time of day in the summer. It's also the only time I can go with my work schedule (about 9:30 or 9:45). It's cool outside but still quite light. My sister has come with me the last two nights, which makes it even more enjoyable.
A lot of people have sounded amazed when I tell them about this. I think they may see me as this got-it-all-together kind of girl who takes charge and takes care of herself. Please realize, I have spent months and months sitting in a lethargic lump on my couch thinking, "I could be out there right now. My shoes are right over there. Why don't I just get up?" and instead I just go scoop peanut butter out of the jar or something. It had to take an emotional breakdown for me to change, and I'm only promising myself one week.
But I am learning a lot in this one week. And I hope at the least I'm forming really good habits. At the end of the week (next Tuesday for me), I'm going to re-assess, and see what things I really liked about this situation (such as talking to Michael in the evenings vs. watching tv). Also, if I lose more weight, that's going to tell me something.
While at the grocery store the other day, I overheard the cashier telling the customer ahead of me that she had lost 200 lbs. 200. When I got up to her I asked her how she did it, and she said, "I stopped eating everything white." So she stopped flour and sugar and even starchy stuff like white rice. I asked her how long it took her, and she said, "4 years."
It's a slow process. And I'm sure she had plateaus, too. But just meeting her in person made me feel like it's really possible. I'm not trying to lose 200. I would be wildly happy if I lost 50 lbs, but anything over 10 would please me very much.
So there you go. There are some of my goals this week. Wish me luck.
Here's the weight breakdown so far:
Tuesday: xx4 lbs
Thursday: xx2.6 lbs
Friday: xx1.0 lbs