One of my favorite parts of the book Bridget Jones's Diary are her conversations with her friend Magda, who is recently married with young children. Magda often breaks into the conversation with directions to her kids, but there's no segway like, "Hold on, Bridget" or "I have to say something to the kids real quick." She just jumps right into what she's saying to her kids. Here's an example from the book:
"Bridget, hi! I was just ringing to say in the potty! In the potty! Do it in the potty!"
There was a loud crashing noise followed by the sound of running water and screaming in manner of Muslims being massacred by Serbs with "Mummy will smack! She will smack!" as if on a loop in the background.
"Magda!" I yelled. "Come back!"
"Sorry, hon," she said, eventually returning. "I was just ringing to say . . . tuck your willy inside the potty! If you let it hang out it'll go on the floor!"
My own sisters do these no-segway interjections to their kids a lot. I understand that it's something every parent goes through, but it really cracks me up, especially when what they're saying to their kids is bizarre when taken in the context of our conversation. This morning I called my sister and it went something like this:
Me: "So then the doctor prescribed me some probiotics, which I thought sounded good."
Sister, sounding longsuffering: "No. You have to put underwear on."
This made me giggle so much I couldn't stop.
And aside from the conversational absurdity, a whole ream of questions come into play: "Someone doesn't have any underwear on. Do they have anything on? I bet it's breezy. Why is there no underwear on? Did they take it off? Maybe they like it breezy. I don't think I would. I wouldn't want anyone to sit on the furniture that way, nightgown or not."